introducing myself

my name is hiram hernandez. i am currently walking the self purification process i specifically learned at desteni.co.za.. well walking as well as falling. one point that ive been working on latley(probably some weeks) has been the point of masturbation and porn, or, attatching pictures and certain defenitions and personalitys to my sexual expression. i have specially been trying to stand much more in the past like 4 days, as im consious that the point of self honest and trancendance is the point in witch i feel like the desire wants to consume me. that is the point in witch i must proove to myself that i will stand.

in the past days i have fallen. ive been falling then picking myself up again.
today i started my day waking up at the homeless shelter where im staying and waited there to take a shower and for the sun to come up. then i headed to the library and i got there like 20 minutes before the opening time and as i was waiting, i was consumed, or i allowed myself to be consumed by the desire to check out some porn sites. so i did and after some minutes i was completley fucking possesed by the arousal of the pictures.
after some minutes i went into the library and sat where no one can see my screen and i continued watching porn for probably an hour.
after a while i desided that i wanted to masturbate and i went into the restroom closest to where i was at with my labtop. but there was some guy in there who i guessed was also masturbating or something because i went in there and i waited probably more than 30 minutes and he was just there, and my guess was that we were both just waiting for the other to leave stubornly so we could masturbate comftarbly. after some time i desided to go to another restroom and i did and i masturbated to porn on my labtop there.

then i came out and shortly went back to watching porn for another while and then masturbated again.

then i desided it was enough and i whent to the demonology forum and wrote self forgiveness.
after a while i began to think positivly thinking that im being to hard on myself and i should take it easy and whent to the store and bought all the food i wanted with my foodstamps card and i sat outside and ate some of it.
as i was eating i was anxious and noticed i wasent even tasting the food. i was like eating to fuel my thoughts or something.

i went back to the library and then i saw a video of bernard poolman speaking about 'blogging for sponsorship" and i desided i would like to be sponsored as i would prefer to start the 'desteni i process' as soon as posible. and so i was creating a new email adress and recreating all my acounts with it as i fear continuing from my last blog because of what i exposed back then when i would pretty much just write to myself. obviously this will eventually be exposed most likely in this blog as i walk through it.

as i was recreating accounts and shit, i was fucking anxious and i got a rash on the top of my feet.

then it was close to the librarys closing time and i went outside and continued this recreating my acounts shit and after i finished i allowed myself to become possesed by desire to watch porn and i started watching porn again until my batery was low.
i desided to come to where i am currently witch is burger king, to recharge my computer and as i was walking overhere i was thinking about going to this persons house who i know is down to fuck. i was thinking of smoking weed and doing pills and maybe even drinking alcohol to enjoy the sex more.
and so here i am.




i will push and wont do that shit and i will make a stand again.